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Quotes by Comedian
"The moment that I realized my name was going to be said in the same sentence as children and sex, that's really intense. That's something I knew from that very moment, whatever happens past that point, something's out there in the air that is really bad."
33
"Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time."
33
"People are still crazy about Python after twenty-five years, which I find hard to believe."
33
"In a more intellectually rigorous age, I wouldn't be talked about as a satirist at all. I would just be a topical comedian."
Age,
33
"Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them."
Life,
33
"The simple fact is that what you see on the screen is pretty much real."
33
"Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk."
33
"It's really live television, the way God meant it to be."
33
"I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets."
33
"As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people."
33
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
33
"The right wing has had a radio apparatus for years and years, so they've had minor leagues - they've had local rightwing guys who've become national rightwing guys, and who build slowly, and that's how it goes. We haven't had that. It isn't like we have a farm team."
33
"We felt like we had done as much as you can do with the slasher genre. We were trying to find the next group of scary movies that were ripe for parody."
33
"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control."
33
"If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit."
33
"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar.""
33
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
33
"An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off not knowing."
33
"The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing."
33
"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die."
33
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
33
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
33
"While all the other kids were out playing ball and stuff, I used to stay in my room and imagine that there was a camera in the wall. And I used to really believe that I was putting on a television show and that it was going out to somewhere in the world."
33
"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."
33
"The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter."
33
"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."
33
"I've never been in the music industry, only acting."
33
"Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model."
33
"Learn about the world, the way it works, any kind of science and anthropology, it's really an interesting place we live in. Evolution is a really fantastic idea, even more than the idea of God I think."
33
"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."
33
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