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"My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping."
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"Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequence than to have a really affectionate mother."

"Sarah will talk to me about someone and I don't know who she's talking about, but if she talks to my mother, the two of them will know exactly - and across several generations, too."

"That was his mother. When she wasn't crying over the breakfast cereal, she was laughing about killing herself."

"My mother's a secretary; my father's an electrician in a mining company."
Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

"I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."

"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."

"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"

"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."
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