"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."

Day, Friends, School

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"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."

Exlpore more Day quotes

"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."

Will Rogers, American Actor

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"I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times."

Will Rogers, American Actor

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"So foul and fair a day I have not seen."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"The statements of four witnesses of unquestioned integrity, traveling with me that day, attest that such comments were never made and confirm that it simply did not happen."

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"A cold atheistical materialism is the tendency of the so-called material philosophy of the present day."

Adam Sedgwick, British Scientist

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"I try to be the best man I can for the day."

James Caviezel, American Actor

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"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"The Navy has changed a great deal. Not that the officers of my day were bad, because I served under a lot of good officers, believe me. But there were a few bad ones, too."

Ernest Borgnine, American Actor

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"I eat a cheeseburger with French fries almost every day."

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"I play piano every day."

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Explore more quotes by Stephen Colbert

"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."

Order

"There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell."

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"I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart."

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"Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything."

Perception

"I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law."

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"Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character."

Character

"You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians."

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"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'"

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"I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry."

Poetry

"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."

Day