"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."

Day, Friends, School

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"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."

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"Prayer: the key of the day and the lock of the night."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

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"When I stop working the rest of the day is posthumous. I'm only really alive when I'm writing."

Tennessee Williams, American Dramatist

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"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."

Will Rogers, American Actor

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"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"So foul and fair a day I have not seen."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"In designing hardware to be used every day, it was important to keep both the human aspects and the machine in mind. What looks good also often feels good."

Michael Graves, American Architect

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"Whenever I get a free day, I drive up to some part of California that looks promising on the map."

Kent McCord, American Actor

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"Never be afraid to stand with the minority when the minority is right, for the minority which is right will one day be the majority."

William Jennings Bryan, American Lawyer

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"Although it was in primitive times and differently called the Lord's day or Sunday, yet it was never denominated the Sabbath; a name constantly appropriate to Saturday, or the Seventh day both by sacred and ecclesiastical writers."

Charles Buck, American Politician

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"So, once I get writing I really try and put five to eight hours a day in my room with a guitar to really try and come up with stuff that feels interesting enough to me to keep it."

Catie Curtis, American Musician

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Explore more quotes by Stephen Colbert

"You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians."

Comedians

"Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character."

Character

"Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything."

Perception

"There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell."

Being

"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."

Order

"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'"

Truth

"I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry."

Poetry

"I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart."

Heart

"I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law."

Time

"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."

Day