"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

Home, Voice

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"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

Exlpore more Home quotes

"There are a number of things wrong with Washington. One of them is that everyone is too far from home."

Dwight D. Eisenhower, American President

Home, Washington, Wrong

"Home was not a perfect place. But it was the only home they had and they could hope to make it better."

Dean Koontz, American Author

Home, Imperfection, Hope, Acceptance

"Think you're escaping and run into yourself. Longest way round is the shortest way home."

James Joyce, Irish Novelist

Home,

"A house isn't a home without the ineffable contentment of a cat with its tail folded about its feet. A cat gives mystery, charm, suggestion."

L. M. Montgomery, Canadian Author

Home, Comfort, Cats, Mystery

"My tent doesn't look like much but, as an estate agent might say, "It is air-conditioned and has exceptional location."

Fennel Hudson, British Author

Home, Comfort, Location, Life

"Home is where they want you to stay longer."

Stephen King, American Author

Home, Belonging, Truth, Attachment

"Charity begins at home, but should not end there."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

Home, Charity, End

"A house from which nobody ever went away without feeling better in some way. A house in which there was always laughter."

L. M. Montgomery, Canadian Author

Home, Joy, Kindness, Laughter

"Home was wherever they were together, and it felt good."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

Home, Love, Comfort, Belonging

"Home was truly the best place he could possibly be, but, alas, was not an available option."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

Home, Loss, Longing, Belonging

Explore more quotes by Tim Vine

"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."

Day

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

Holiday

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

Driving

"Black beauty - he's a dark horse."

Beauty

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet."

Thought

"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox."

Fact

"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

Father

"I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself."

Love

"With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke."

People

"People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway."

Funny