"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

Home, Voice

36

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

Exlpore more Home quotes

"To tell you the truth, I never listen to opera at home."

Lesley Garrett, English Musician

Home, Truth, Opera

"If someone knew equally as much about the ins and outs of your home, it would not be your home."

S. A. Tawks, British Author

Home, Privacy, Identity, Trust

"Don't leave home without your sword - your intellect."

Alan Moore, British Writer

Home, Intellect

"To a homeless man, home is literally where the heart is."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Home, Truth, Emotion, Homelessness

"The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Home, Success, Quality, Comedy

"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."

Christian Morgenstern, German Poet

Home,

"I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. If not, when I come home, I can't find anything. Cleaning ladies are always hiding things you leave out."

Celia Cruz, Cuban Musician

Home, Ladies, Lady

"My tent doesn't look like much but, as an estate agent might say, "It is air-conditioned and has exceptional location."

Fennel Hudson, British Author

Home, Comfort, Location, Life

"I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom."

Andy Warhol, American Artist

Home, Party

"Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

Home, Love, People, Moment

Explore more quotes by Tim Vine

"People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway."

Funny

"With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke."

People

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

Holiday

"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum."

People

"Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds."

Now

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'""

Car

"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

Father

"Black beauty - he's a dark horse."

Beauty

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet."

Thought

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

Driving