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"I get all of my comedy from CNN."
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"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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Personal Development
"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
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Personal Development
"I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me."
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Personal Development
"One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes."
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Personal Development
"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
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Personal Development
"Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs."
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Personal Development
"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
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Personal Development
"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
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Personal Development
"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
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Personal Development
"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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"If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care."
People
"The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world."
Travel
"I just want to do cool stuff."
Want
"Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show."
Feelings
"Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously."
Funny
"I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one."
Friendship
"The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom."
Freedom
"Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day."
Actor
"It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus."
Day
"I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards."
Company
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