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Humor Quotes
"The great thing about university is that they incline you to get up and do it, from the Classics to modern plays, to the humor that Monty Pythons made popular."
18
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
18
"Humor is not a mood but a way of looking at the world. So if it is correct to say that humor was stamped out in Nazi Germany, that does not mean that people were not in good spirits, or anything of that sort, but something much deeper and more important."
18
"A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way."
18
"Kant thought things, not because they were true, but because he was Kant."
17
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."
17
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
16
"Since when has the world of computer software design been about what people want? This is a simple question of evolution. The day is quickly coming when every knee will bow down to a silicon fist, and you will all beg your binary gods for mercy."
16
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
15
"You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't."
15
"A sense of humour is a sense of proportion."
15
"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."
13
"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."
13
"No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up!"
13
"I have my welcome mat turned around backwards so when people leave they think they're going to a better place."
13
"It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, because you brush harder and do a better job."
13
"This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs."
13
"Mess is fairly good. It is like what is found in American hotels except for cake and pie."
12
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
12
"My greatest thrill was the day Mad magazine spoofed 'Ghost.'"
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