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Humor Quotes
"One day President Roosevelt told me that he was asking publicly for suggestions about what the war should be called. I said at once 'The Unnecessary War'."
65
"The only time to buy these is on a day with no "y" in it."
63
"Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives."
61
"I figure I'll be champ for about ten years and then I'll let my brother take over - like the Kennedys down in Washington."
58
"Bite me, Goth princess, Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything."Maybe you should say that to Michael."Not funny, Eve, Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit, she said."
57
"The three chief virtues of a programmer are: Laziness, Impatience and Hubris."
56
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
54
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."
54
"No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up!"
54
"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."
54
"There's folks 'ud stand on their heads and then say the fault was i' their boots."
54
"A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way."
54
"I've had two proposals since I've been a widow. I am a wonderful catch, you know. I have a lot of money."
53
"Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too."
53
"It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required."
52
"A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course."
52
"I've never seen such a bunch of apple-eaters."
52
"Through the metal grating on my carrier door, Adrian's face suddenly appeared, peering in at me. "What new, pussycat?"
52
"Mess is fairly good. It is like what is found in American hotels except for cake and pie."
51
"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
51
"Secret to what?""Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence."
51
"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens."
51
"Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it."
51
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