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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
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Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
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"In your country and mine we should have the privilege of making fun of this kind of morality, but it would be unkind to do it here.Many of these people have the reasoning faculty, but no one uses it in religious matters."
Critique
"Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn' want no mo'."
Wealth
"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."
Wisdom
"There isn't a parallel of latitude but thinks it would have been the equator if it had had its rights."
Geography
"This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger."
Violence
"When they came it was as if the lord of the world had arrived, and had brought all the glories of its kingdoms along; and when they went they left a calm behind which was like the deep sleep which follows an orgy."
Atmosphere
"To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...Anybody can have ideas--the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph."
Skill
"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
Skill
"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination."
Psychology
"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
Compassion
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