"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

Humor, Bed, Light, Night

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"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Calm, Reassurance, Fear

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

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"WHAT FOR IS THIS BOX PADDED? IS IT TO BE SAT ON? CAN IT BE THAT IT IS CAT-FLAVOURED?"

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Death, Confusion, Box

" Think of how many times you put on your underwear in a lifetime. It was appalling, it was disgusting, it was stupid."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Life, Daily, Routine

"Silverfish looked down."Oh. Are you a dwarf?"Cuddy gave him a blank stare."Are you a giant?" He said."Me? Of course not!"Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Identity, Giants, Truth

"What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power, Today

"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Appearance, Opinion, Judgment

"Reason like a sphere? What type of reasoning does a wooden sphere do?""The circular type, I should think. And, by coincidence, it is my favorite type as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so good at the game."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Logic, Reason, Games

"Lovemaking is a big grammatical error, i think it should be, LustMaking."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Love, Lust, Language, Truth

"If there was an elephant in the supermarket, she'd either not see it at all, or call it Mrs Jones and talk about fishcakes."

Jeanette Winterson, British Novelist

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Explore more quotes by Muhammad Ali

"If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize."

Attitude

"A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."

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"I know I got it made while the masses of black people are catchin' hell, but as long as they ain't free, I ain't free."

Equality

"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up."

Humor

"The man who has no imagination has no wings."

Imagination

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself."

Faith

"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe."

Attitude

"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."

Attitude

"Old age is just a record of one's whole life."

Wisdom

"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."

Identity