"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

Humor, Bed, Light, Night

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"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

Humor, Truth, Power, Wisdom

"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."

George R. R. Martin, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Judgment, Truth

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

Agatha Christie, English Writer

Humor, Aging, Appearance, Truth

Explore more quotes by Muhammad Ali

"I figure I'll be champ for about ten years and then I'll let my brother take over - like the Kennedys down in Washington."

Humor

"A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing."

Inspirational

"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe."

Attitude

"We have one life; it soon will be past; what we do for God is all that will last."

Life

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."

Attitude

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself."

Faith

"I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest."

Attitude

"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."

Identity

"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up."

Humor

"There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people."

Wisdom