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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke," Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham."
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Personal Development
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"Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life."
Humor
"We have one life; it soon will be past; what we do for God is all that will last."
Life
"A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."
Wisdom
"I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest."
Attitude
"There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people."
Wisdom
"To be able to give away riches is mandatory if you wish to possess them. This is the only way that you will be truly rich."
Wealth
"Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer."
Attitude
"Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even."
Courage
"I figure I'll be champ for about ten years and then I'll let my brother take over - like the Kennedys down in Washington."
Humor
"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up."
Humor
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