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"The three chief virtues of a programmer are: Laziness, Impatience and Hubris."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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"We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise."
Compromise
"The world has become a larger place. The universe has been expanding, and Perl's been expanding along with the universe."
Universe
"I still drive my 1977 Honda Accord. The paint is almost all worn off. It's still running."
Running
"Many days I don't write any code at all, and some days I spend all day writing code."
Career
"Hubris itself will not let you be an artist."
Character
"If you're a large corporation, you can afford to pay the money to register patents, but if you're an individual like me, you can't."
Money
"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language."
Language
"Perl was designed to work more like a natural language. It's a little more complicated but there are more shortcuts, and once you learned the language, it's more expressive."
Work
"Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi."
Death
"I take time to watch anime. I don't know whether I'm allowed to, but I do it anyway."
Time
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