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"Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it."
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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
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Personal Development
"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
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Personal Development
"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
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Personal Development
"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
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Personal Development
"I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing..."
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"Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it."
Humor
"A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case."
Fact
"The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual."
World
"The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here."
Past
"Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals."
Food
"Don't jump on a man unless he is down."
Man
"An appeal is when you ask one court to show it's contempt for another court."
Law
"Trust everybody, but cut the cards."
Trust
"There are no friends at cards or world politics."
Friendship
"A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable."
Lie
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