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"The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
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"The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual."
World
"There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare."
Being
"An appeal is when you ask one court to show it's contempt for another court."
Law
"The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here."
Past
"The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married."
Humor
"Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable."
Comfort
"It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it."
Difference
"Trust everybody, but cut the cards."
Trust
"Don't jump on a man unless he is down."
Man
"Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals."
Food
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