"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

Humor, Kisses, Lies

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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Regret, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

Explore more quotes by Heinrich Heine

"I will not say that women have no character; rather, they have a new one every day."

Woman, Women, Character, Day, Will

"Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose."

Humor, End, May, Tears

"Whenever books are burned, men also in the end are burned."

Man, Men, Books, End

"Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is of course the miracle."

Death, Sleep

"I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom."

Reading, Boredom

"The men of action are, after all, only the unconscious instruments of the men of thought."

Man, Men, Thought, Action, Unconscious

"Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle."

Music, Battle, Soldiers, Weddings

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Explore more quotes by Heinrich Heine

"I will not say that women have no character; rather, they have a new one every day."

"Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose."

"Whenever books are burned, men also in the end are burned."

"Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is of course the miracle."

"I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom."

"The men of action are, after all, only the unconscious instruments of the men of thought."

"Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle."

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

"Woman is at once apple and serpent."

"Of course God will forgive me; that's His job."