"Secret to what?""Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence."

Humor, Conflict, Protection, Irony

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"Secret to what?""Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence."

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"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

Rainbow Rowell, American Author

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"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."

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"Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him."

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"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

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"The fun we'll have tonight is called figging."

Cherise Sinclair, American Author

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"Wit is the only wall between us and the dark."

Mark Van Doren, American Poet

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"If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there."

Martin Luther, German Leader

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"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

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Explore more quotes by Ilona Andrews

"She had only two modes of operation: complete control or complete insanity."

Psychology

"Sex is about physical attraction, yes, but it's also about trust. I don't trust you. You're completely self-absorbed and egoistic. You offer nothing I want."

Relationship

"I was so happy to be out of there. "Barabas, if you weren't battingfor the other team, I'd marry you.He grinned. "If I weren't batting for the other team, I would accept yourproposal. You had me at 'No comment.' If all my clients were this smart, mylife would be much easier. Much, much easier."

Happiness

"So far I had the god of evil and the god of terror on my side. My good-guy image was taking a serious beating. Maybe I should recruit some unicorns or kittens with rainbow powers to even us out."

Humor

"I suggest you give up now. According to my research, in a vampire-werewolf love triangle, the vampire always gets the girl."

Fantasy

"Men and swords. My father said that if you put any able-bodied man, no matter how peaceful, into a room with a sword and a practice dummy and leave him alone, eventually the man would pick up the sword and try to stab the dummy. It is human nature."

Behavior

"Mom?" Mother turned to Grandmother."What?""She's going to lunch with her kidnapper!""Take a picture for me," Grandma said."

Family

"Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!"

Achievement

"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."

Humor

"I know human nature. We might sacrifice a few, because we are stupid and hardwired for group survival. But we would never die in the thousands because a god wished it. Those kinds of numbers require material gains, like power, wealth, territory."

Behavior