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Fran Lebowitz

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."

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"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."

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Akiroq Brost

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

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Akiroq Brost

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

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Akiroq Brost

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

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Akiroq Brost

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

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Akiroq Brost

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

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Akiroq Brost

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."

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Akiroq Brost

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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Akiroq Brost

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

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Akiroq Brost

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

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Akiroq Brost

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

Explore more quotes by Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
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Fran Lebowitz
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."
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Fran Lebowitz
"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."
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Fran Lebowitz
"I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit."
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Fran Lebowitz
"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."
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Fran Lebowitz
"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."
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Fran Lebowitz
"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
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Fran Lebowitz
"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."
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Fran Lebowitz
"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."
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Fran Lebowitz
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
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