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"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
Humor
"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
Time
"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
Humor
"Humility is no substitute for a good personality."
Humility
"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."
Humor
"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."
Attitude
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
Humor
"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."
Luck
"Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."
Leadership
"Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add."
Self-Awareness
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