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Humor Quotes
"If there is reincarnation I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips."
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"Actually, I was prone to random acts of stupidity. I considered it to be one of my talents."
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"No thanks, Dodo, was it? I don't know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days."
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"I've never heard of a man's cock being described as a fang before. - Rapahel"
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"The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it."
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"Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters!"
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"After a universal silence, Leo was the first to speak. "Did anyone else notice-"Yes, Catherine said. "What do you make of it?"I haven't decided yet. Leo frowned and took a sip of port. "He's not someone I would pair Bea with."Whom would you pair her with?"Hanged if I know, Leo said. "Someone with similar interests. The local veterinarian, perhaps?"He's eighty-three years old and deaf, Catherine said."They would never argue, Leo pointed out."
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"Oh, I've no patience with these romances. They're the ruin of all order. It's a thousand pities they ever happened."
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"Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying. Enter children's books."
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"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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"Paperwork wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the paper. And the work."
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"Yeah, Mom, I'll just keep telling the prince that he has absolutely no shot with me and offend him as often as I can. Great plan."
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"I'm not likely to forget someone slapping my butt with a big piece of wood."
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"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
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"No, no, I don't want that."I didn't ask."
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"I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately."
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"Persistent prophecy is a familiar way of assuring the event."
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"This is the first convention of the space age - where a candidate can promise the moon and mean it."
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"So what does that actually mean?''To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.''Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said.'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion."
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"Joe Barbera's s always complaining that he can't get humor into cartoons anymore. Just do it. You've got your money. Why do they let the networks run their lives?"
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"The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles."
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"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."
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"The polls indicated that I was feisty, that I was tough, that I had a sense of humor, but they weren't quite sure if they liked me and they didn't know whether or not that I was sensitive."
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"Find a priest who understands English and doesn't look like Rasputin."
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"A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles."
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"Humor can be one of our best survival tools."
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"Any attempts at humor immediately after September 11th were deemed tasteless."
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"I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down."
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"Crazy loves company, Sir Clay."
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"Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake."
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"I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive."
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"Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more than generate irony."
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