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Samuel Butler

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

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"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

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"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

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"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

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"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

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"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

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Assegid Habtewold

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

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"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

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"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

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Assegid Habtewold

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

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"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

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Samuel Butler
"Morality is the custom of one's country and the current feeling of one's peers."
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Samuel Butler
"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them."
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Samuel Butler
"A drunkard would not give money to sober people. He said they would only eat it, and buy clothes and send their children to school with it."
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Samuel Butler
"If I die prematurely I shall be saved from being bored to death at my own success."
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Samuel Butler
"For truth is precious and divine, too rich a pearl for carnal swine."
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Samuel Butler
"Those who have never had a father can at any rate never know the sweets of losing one. To most men the death of his father is a new lease of life."
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Samuel Butler
"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."
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Samuel Butler
"Christ was only crucified once and for a few hours. Think of the hundreds of thousands whom Christ has been crucifying in a quiet way ever since."
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Samuel Butler
"Let every man be true and every god a liar."
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Samuel Butler
"Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have."
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