"The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three."

Humor, Day

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"The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

Rainbow Rowell, American Author

Humor, Danger, Trouble, Judgment

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

Humor, Knowledge, Curiosity, Learning

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Regret

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

Abraham Lincoln, American Politician

Humor, Coffee, Tea, President

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

Amber Tamblyn, American Actress

Humor, Religion, God, Sense

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Man, Sense, Will

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Adultery, Christ, Cruelty, Divorce

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

Tom Berenger, American Actor

Humor, Day, Pressure, Sense

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

Voltaire, French Writer

Humor, Religion, Diversity, Culture

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

Voltaire, French Writer

Humor, God, Comedy, Fear, Laughter

Explore more quotes by Casey Stengel

"Son, we'd like to keep you around this season but we're going to try and win a pennant."

Family

"Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits."

Art

"If you're so smart, let's see you get out of the Army."

Army

"Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em."

Sports

"When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out."

Life

"The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds."

Success

"Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story."

Sports

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

Explore more quotes by Casey Stengel

"Son, we'd like to keep you around this season but we're going to try and win a pennant."

"Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits."

"If you're so smart, let's see you get out of the Army."

"Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em."

"When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out."

"Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa."

"Most games are lost, not won."

"Most ball games are lost, not won."

"The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds."

"Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story."