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"The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
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"Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking."
Sports
"Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em."
Sports
"The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds."
Success
"You gotta learn that if you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it, and if you do, it ain't worth it."
Life
"Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story."
Sports
"The trick is growing up without growing old."
Life
"Most ball games are lost, not won."
Sports
"If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are."
Thinking
"The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three."
Humor
"Son, we'd like to keep you around this season but we're going to try and win a pennant."
Family
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