top of page
.png){kind=small}
More
"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's folks 'ud stand on their heads and then say the fault was i' their boots."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Total absence of humor renders life impossible."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use."
Language
"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."
Life
"One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning."
Learning
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
Happiness
"In the afternoon the ship's company assembled aft, on deck, under the awnings; the flute, the asthmatic meodeon, and the consumptive clarinet crippled the Star Spangled Banner, the choir chased it to cover, and George came in with a peculiarly lacerating screech on the final note and slaughtered it. Nobody mourned. We carried out the corpse on three cheers (that joke was not intentional and I do not endorse it)."
Humor
"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."
Humor
"I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English, it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them, then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice."
Writing
"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language."
Humor
"When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved."
Society
"One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke."
Writing
bottom of page