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"A fly Sir may sting a stately horse and make him wince but one is but an insect and the other a horse still."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
Explore more quotes by Samuel Johnson
"It is foolish to make experiments upon the constancy of a friend as upon the chastity of a wife."
"Silence propagates itself and the longer talk has been suspended the more difficult it is to find anything to say."
"A man ought to read just as inclination leads him, for what he reads as a task will do him little good."
"Perhaps the excellence of aphorisms consists not so much in the expression of some rare or abstruse sentiment, as in the comprehension of some obvious and useful truth in a few words.We frequently fall into error and folly, not because the true principles of action are not known, but because, for a time, they are not remembered; and he may therefore be justly numbered among the benefactors of mankind who contracts the great rules of life into short sentences, that may be easily impressed on the memory, and taught by frequent recollection to recur habitually to the mind."
"If the man who turnips cries Cry not when his father dies 'Tis proof that he had rather Have a turnip than his father."
"No mind is much employed upon the present recollection and anticipation fill up almost all our moments."
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