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"A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
Survival
"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties."
Boss
"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."
People
"Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog."
Computer
"A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself."
Humor
"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools."
Fool
"Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none."
Paradise
"Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it."
Wisdom
"There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware."
Being
"Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days."
Nostalgia
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