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"A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself."
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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Explore more quotes by Doug Larson

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."

"Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none."

"There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own."

"The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment."

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
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