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"A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
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Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
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Personal Development
"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
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Personal Development
"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
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Personal Development
"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
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Personal Development
"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."
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Personal Development
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"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."
Change
"A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself."
Humor
"Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours."
Goal
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
Life
"Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away."
Time
"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
Mistake
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."
Friendship
"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk."
Wisdom
"There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware."
Being
"For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work."
Work
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