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Quotes by Comedian
"What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country."
26
"President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all."
26
"It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if a crowd is gathering."
26
"It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life."
26
"I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."
26
"They're not the sharpest people - babies. So, you must be everything to them."
26
"The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down."
26
"I have deep respect for people's individual faith, but when faith gets connected to the machinery of state, or the machinery of hate, I find it very confronting."
26
"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering."
26
"And it was a huge emotional thing to leave the law and become unemployed - to be a student again."
Law,
26
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
26
"And I thought, when I have kids, that's the sort of well told, silly, and fun fairy tale that I would want to take them to. But it was an amazing experience. And I think Shrek is a real classic, a fairy tale classic."
26
"Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"
26
"I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love."
26
"Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn't brave enough to be insane."
26
"Federal prison, if you get any of it, you're going to have to do 85% of it. And the reason why I called it that is because I had a friend who got sent to the federal joint and his whole... it wasn't about him being in jail. He cried about the 85%."
26
"There's something that happens in that delivery room, when a woman becomes ten times more a woman, and a guy becomes six times less a man. You feel really dopey and useless and like a spectator. I did, anyway."
26
"I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know."
26
"You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex."
26
"That's my opportunity to hide behind that old lady and say what I want to say."
26
"You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."
26
"I think the whole idea of me was that I wasn't going to be but that I wanted to be, desperately."
Idea,
26
"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."
26
"The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health and retirement benefits working on the General Livestock Corporation assembly line putting udders on cows."
26
"I was the first spokesperson for the Better Hearing Institute in Washington. And that's the message we tried to send out - there is hearing help out there, and the technology and options are amazing."
26
"We've been brainwashed into believing that it's a sin to discriminate. But discrimination doesn't mean racism, it means telling unlike things apart."
26
"There are some people who believe that these are not real stories with real people, but they actually are."
26
"We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it."
26
"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."
26
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