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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top."
Energy
"I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies."
Love
"In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak."
Home
"I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny."
Funny
"My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor."
Humor
"I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up."
Business
"I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself."
Play
"You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh."
Attention
"I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh."
People
"That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it."
Mother
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