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"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge."
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"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
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Personal Development

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
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Personal Development

"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."
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Personal Development

"I think it all comes down to relationships - how I treat my wife, how I treat my kids, how I treat the guys at the grocery store, all aspects of every day, what I'm involved in."
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Personal Development

"I had been in a film, playing a young British aristocrat. My wife told me that she was invited to a dinner and she invited me to dinner and the hostess had seen me and said, 'You cannot bring him.' but I think that I've done enough to shatter the image."
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Personal Development

"And I had to take care of a little dog too named Suzy. It was the promoter's wife's - Judy Lynn's - it was her dog. And one of my duties going on the tour was to take care of it."
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Personal Development

"The studio rented a house for my wife in Los Angeles under a phony name to keep reporters away. Whenever I wanted to visit her and my children, I would have to sneak in the back door after dark."
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Personal Development

"I got a wife who likes expensive things, so she takes all the cash."
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Personal Development

"You know, grieve your wife, this is an impulsive thing and you have no idea the kind of trouble you're getting yourself into it. And of course he doesn't listen to me and he adopts this child."
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Personal Development

"My wife thinks I'm completely mad."
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"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet."
Truth

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."
Home

"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
Father

"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge."
Wife

"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit."
Love

"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."
Parenting

"Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger."
Work

"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."
Education

"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes."
Music

"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries."
Mistake
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