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"Oh Satan you're a wily one."
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"We have seen the evil of the manufacture and sale of intoxicating liquors in our midst; let us try prohibition and see what this will do for us."

"Evil, by definition, is that which endangers the good, and the good is what we perceive as a value."

"The resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far advanced as to make avoidance impossible."

"When the Devil goeth about like a roaring lion, he goeth about in a shape by which few but savages and hunters are attracted. But, when he is trimmed, smoothed, and varnished, according to the mode: when he is aweary of vice, and aweary of virtue, used up as to brimstone, and used up as to bliss; then, whether he take to the serving out of red tape, or to the kindling of red fire, he is the very Devil."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson

"Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you're hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation."

"Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'."

"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."

"I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it."

"They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best."

"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."

"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"
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