Quotes by Comedian | Beyond Motive 26/64

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Quotes by Comedian

"I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night."

"I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night."

Chris Elliott, American Comedian

4

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done."

"Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done."

Josh Billings, American Comedian

4

"We took the whole thing far too seriously. After all, those were early days in television."

"We took the whole thing far too seriously. After all, those were early days in television."

Ernie Wise, English Comedian

4

"Few if any teenagers can relate to getting up for school and finding famous comics like Pryor and Williams hanging out in your living room after a hard night of partying. But that's Hollywood."

"Few if any teenagers can relate to getting up for school and finding famous comics like Pryor and Williams hanging out in your living room after a hard night of partying. But that's Hollywood."

Pauly Shore, American Comedian

Famous, Hollywood, Living, Night

4

"There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right."

"There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right."

Bill Cosby, American Comedian

4

"Maybe... there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for unlawfully detaining 120 people. Maybe they just got carried away with last year's idea of pre-emptive strikes and thought, 'Let's not wait for an actual crime to occur. Let's get the innocent."

"Maybe... there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for unlawfully detaining 120 people. Maybe they just got carried away with last year's idea of pre-emptive strikes and thought, 'Let's not wait for an actual crime to occur. Let's get the innocent."

Mark Thomas, British Comedian

Thought, People, Idea, Crime

4

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."

James Thurber, American Comedian

4

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."

"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."

Johnny Carson, American Comedian

Eating, Television

4

"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

Jay Leno, American Comedian

Men, Day, Today

4

"I've never been in the music industry, only acting."

"I've never been in the music industry, only acting."

Victoria Jackson, American Comedian

4

"Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science."

"Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science."

Wanda Sykes, American Comedian

Science, Marketing

4

"Sometimes I wondered whether I hadn't let my career get confined to one direction, but lately I've decided to accept the fact that I have this opportunity to be successful doing comedies."

"Sometimes I wondered whether I hadn't let my career get confined to one direction, but lately I've decided to accept the fact that I have this opportunity to be successful doing comedies."

Ben Stiller, American Comedian

Opportunity, Successful, Career, Direction

4

"Learn about the world, the way it works, any kind of science and anthropology, it's really an interesting place we live in. Evolution is a really fantastic idea, even more than the idea of God I think."

"Learn about the world, the way it works, any kind of science and anthropology, it's really an interesting place we live in. Evolution is a really fantastic idea, even more than the idea of God I think."

Randy Newman, American Comedian

Science, God, Idea, Anthropology

4

"I find this proposed amendment very, very, very, very shocking. And immoral. And, you know, if civil disobedience is the way to go about change, then I think a lot of people will be going to San Francisco."

"I find this proposed amendment very, very, very, very shocking. And immoral. And, you know, if civil disobedience is the way to go about change, then I think a lot of people will be going to San Francisco."

Rosie O'Donnell, American Comedian

Change, People, Will

4

"I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming."

"I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming."

Kathy Griffin, American Comedian

Love, Programming, Reality

4

"Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow."

"Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow."

Ellen DeGeneres, American Comedian

4

"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Humor, Chaos, Tranquility

4

"When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience."

"When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience."

Jerry Lewis, American Comedian

Work, Hurt, Pain

4

"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business."

"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business."

Joey Adams, American Comedian

4

"I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars."

"I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars."

Chevy Chase, American Comedian

4

"I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style."

"I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style."

Kathy Griffin, American Comedian

Act, Computer, Hate, Style

4

"Oh, and Scott, get Mark to play me. He's the most talented one anyway."

"Oh, and Scott, get Mark to play me. He's the most talented one anyway."

Mark McKinney, Canadian Comedian

4

"Don't tell your friends about your indigestion. "How are you" is a greeting, not a question."

"Don't tell your friends about your indigestion. "How are you" is a greeting, not a question."

Arthur Guiterman, American Comedian

Friendship, Friends, Indigestion, Question

4

"So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits."

"So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits."

Kathy Griffin, American Comedian

Limit, Limits, Wonder

4

"I rewrote it and I took all your notes. Read it again, that kind of persistence paid off."

"I rewrote it and I took all your notes. Read it again, that kind of persistence paid off."

David Steinberg, Canadian Comedian

4

"I don't know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain't even never been to a wedding."

"I don't know nothing about no marriages or nothing. I ain't even never been to a wedding."

Mike Epps, American Comedian

Wedding, Nothing

4

"I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me."

"I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me."

Kevin Nealon, American Comedian

4

"Laughter is an instant vacation."

"Laughter is an instant vacation."

Milton Berle, American Comedian

Laughter, Vacation

4

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

Groucho Marx, American Comedian

Intelligence, Contradiction, Military

4

"This is not the most right I've ever been."

"This is not the most right I've ever been."

Paul Reiser, American Comedian

4

"By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live."

"By the time I would have graduated, at 22, I was a writer and featured performer on Saturday Night Live."

Sarah Silverman, American Comedian

Time, Night, Writer

4

"I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia."

"I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia."

Johnny Vegas, British Comedian

Drama, Paranoia

4

"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

Phyllis Diller, American Comedian

Thought, Cooking, Kids, Thanksgiving

4

"I knew that this was what I wanted to talk about on stage. There was no point being coy about it, or pretending that I wasn't gay. That was the substance of my whole act. If you took that away, there would be nothing left."

"I knew that this was what I wanted to talk about on stage. There was no point being coy about it, or pretending that I wasn't gay. That was the substance of my whole act. If you took that away, there would be nothing left."

Julian Clary, English Comedian

Act, Being, Gay, Nothing

4

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

4

"My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago."

"My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago."

George Gobel, American Comedian

4

"I'm as famous as I want to be."

"I'm as famous as I want to be."

Tracey Ullman, British Comedian

4

"But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough."

"But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough."

Sarah Silverman, American Comedian

4

"I will always love to perform standup comedy."

"I will always love to perform standup comedy."

Shelley Berman, American Comedian

Love, Comedy, Will

4

"Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself."

"Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself."

Damon Wayans, American Comedian

4

"The sterile, arid environment created by truly jarring and discordant signage and gargantuan billboards is a turnoff."

"The sterile, arid environment created by truly jarring and discordant signage and gargantuan billboards is a turnoff."

Jonathan Katz, American Comedian

4

"It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in."

"It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in."

Joe Rogan, American Comedian

Time, Career, Hurt, Swearing

4

"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

Luck, Respect, Running

4

"Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again."

"Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again."

W. C. Fields, American Comedian

4

"You just can't make any movie and it will be good now. This is a really a difficult time to be in films."

"You just can't make any movie and it will be good now. This is a really a difficult time to be in films."

Keenen Ivory Wayans, American Comedian

Time, Now, Will

4

"The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic."

"The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic."

Bill Cosby, American Comedian

Childhood, Friends, Play

4

"All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why."

"All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why."

James Thurber, American Comedian

4

"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."

"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."

Phyllis Diller, American Comedian

4

"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."

"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."

Tim Vine, British Comedian

4

"Maybe entertainment is not supposed to be reality."

"Maybe entertainment is not supposed to be reality."

Victoria Jackson, American Comedian

Entertainment, Reality

4

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