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"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"
Ugly,
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"Well, I'm clearly not ugly."
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Personal Development
"I think I can be beautiful with all the little stuff done, and I can be ugly. A lot of attractive actresses can't be ugly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream."
Author Name
Personal Development
"No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I stayed away from mirrors when I was younger and I didn't like having my picture taken. I was tall and had braces and felt ugly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are no ugly ducklings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We both can be the most beautiful and benevolent creatures on the planet, but then there's another side that can be as harsh and as ugly as the darkest thing you could imagine seeing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"What was a really private and nice relationship was judged and made to be something ugly."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
Argument
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."
Birthday
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
Mother
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
Wife
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
Kids
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Wife
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
Family
"Life is just a bowl of pits."
Life
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light."
Wife
"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Luck
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