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Rodney Dangerfield

"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

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"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"

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Asa Don Brown

"What was a really private and nice relationship was judged and made to be something ugly."

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"I stayed away from mirrors when I was younger and I didn't like having my picture taken. I was tall and had braces and felt ugly."

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"No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly."

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Asa Don Brown

"Well, I'm clearly not ugly."

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"You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream."

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Asa Don Brown

"I was actually very ugly. I was ugly. I felt very insecure."

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Asa Don Brown

"We both can be the most beautiful and benevolent creatures on the planet, but then there's another side that can be as harsh and as ugly as the darkest thing you could imagine seeing."

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Asa Don Brown

"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly."

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Asa Don Brown

"It never got ugly, although it got a bit strange at times."

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Asa Don Brown

"I think I can be beautiful with all the little stuff done, and I can be ugly. A lot of attractive actresses can't be ugly."

Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"Men who do things without being told draw the most wages."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
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Rodney Dangerfield
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."
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