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"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'"
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"You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream."
"We both can be the most beautiful and benevolent creatures on the planet, but then there's another side that can be as harsh and as ugly as the darkest thing you could imagine seeing."
Ugly,
"I stayed away from mirrors when I was younger and I didn't like having my picture taken. I was tall and had braces and felt ugly."
Ugly,
"It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly."
Ugly,
"No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly."
Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."
"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
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