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"Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow."
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"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."
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"We owned a bearded collie for many years. Sophie. She was old, and she died last year."
"You must not pity me because my sixtieth year finds me still astonished. To be astonished is one of the surest ways of not growing old too quickly."
"I long to be in the Field again, doing my part to keep the old flag up, with all its stars."
"To be honest, I look at my Pinball program and feel that it is old stuff. I could do much better."
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"If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old."
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Explore more quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
"I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush."
"If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you're a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with them combo gift, you get the combo song. 'We wish you a merry Christmas - and happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas - happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye - Birthday, Terry!"
"When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, 'You may regret this,' would have been fine."
"When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. It's hard to understand failure when you're going through it, but in the grand scheme of things it's good to fall down-not because you're drunk and not near stairs."
"If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn't done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit's eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson's eyes and ask him if it hurts."
"I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules."
"I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things."
"The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself."
"There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?"
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