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Humor Quotes
"When life hands you lemons say,"Lemons? What else have you got?"- bumper sticker."
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"I have lived with several Zen masters - all of them cats."
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"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
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"He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated."
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"If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything."
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"Humor is a means of obtaining pleasure in spite of the distressing effects that interface with it."
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"To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice."
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"I had about as much chance to do that as I did of backpacking my car to the top of Mount Rushmore."
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"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."
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"The easiest way to remember your future wife's birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday."
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"My greatest thrill was the day Mad magazine spoofed 'Ghost.'"
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"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
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"You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other."
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"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
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"Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you."
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"Swollen in head, weak in legs, sharp in tongue but empty in belly."
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"I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor."
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"What a sense of superiority it gives one to escape reading some book which everyone else is reading."
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"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."
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"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
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"If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well."
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"Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it."
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"The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job."
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"Once we got over the origin story, we could really delve deeper into their lives and characters and angst. So this movie actually has more heart, more humor."
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"Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time."
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"I've never been thrown out of a pub, but I've fallen into quite a few."
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"A corpse is meat gone bad. Well and what's cheese? Corpse of milk."
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"Shit" Bug said, his face sour. "It's that thing again. We've been dealing with it since Pierce. You think you have a lead and then poof" - he made a puffing motion with his fingers - "it melts into nothing and all you have is frustration and the far noise your face makes when you hit you desk with it."Fart.... what?"
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"Don't do anything stupid.""Don't worry," I whispered over the line, "I'm an expert on stupid.""You're...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they've been? I'm like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said."
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"Do I look like I want to be eaten alive after sex?"
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