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Humor Quotes
"I admit I'm bipolar but if you think I'm stupid you're crazy."
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"Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right."
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"Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years."
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"Through the metal grating on my carrier door, Adrian's face suddenly appeared, peering in at me. "What new, pussycat?"
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"Words are wind, and the wind from Manderly's mouth means no more than the wind escaping his bottom."
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"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!"
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"Headline?" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said."
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"When the shit hits the fan, you really have to ask yourself why you weren't sitting on the toilet."
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"A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away."
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"They've given Harry the attributes of pistachio nuts and crack cocaine without the health risks (opening thousands of pistachio nuts can cause severe thumb-bruising, I can tell you from bitter experience of my life on the edge)."
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""Very well." "Say it." "Say what?" "Say my name. Say, 'Very well, Dorian.' "She rolled her eyes. "If it pleases Your Magnanimous Holiness, I shall call you by your first name.""
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"This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs."
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"We're starting to push the envelope in terms of the expectations, and you can also have your own style, personality and sense of humor, because now we're allowed to."
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"It was one of those moments that would have had dramatic music if my life were a movie, but instead I got a radio jingle for some kind of submarine sandwich place blaring over the store's ambient stereo. The movie ofmy life must be really low-budget."
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"Nice work," he said.I grinned."You look like hell, though," he noted."I doubt hell has this much Kool-Aid," I replied."
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"The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."
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"Doesn't this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb."
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"If you think that your hardest problem is what color shoes to wear.You should get out more!"
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"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."
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"I've always chosen my band members based on their sense of humor. It might sound stupid, but it means not only are they fun to live with on a tour bus for years, but humor implies intelligence."
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"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."
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"The humor is essentially dark for a cartoon and sophisticated. But at the same time, being a cartoon gives the writers more freedom than in a normal sitcom. It always pushes the line that, despite human failings, the Simpsons are really decent people."
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"If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I'll stand there naked."
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"It felt as if things were literally slipping through my fingers. Things were just streaming away from me. I lost my sense of humor. I'm still looking for that."
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"Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it."
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"It has always surprised me how little attention philosophers have paid to humor, since it is a more significant process of mind than reason. Reason can only sort out perceptions, but the humor process is involved in changing them."
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