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"Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius."
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"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."
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Personal Development
"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."
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Personal Development
"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."
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Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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"All great peoples are conservative."
Conservative
"The difference between Socrates and Jesus? The great conscious and the immeasurably great unconscious."
Difference
"Silence is as deep as eternity, speech a shallow as time."
Time
"I don't pretend to understand the Universe - it's a great deal bigger than I am."
Universe
"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none."
Mistake
"Speech is human, silence is divine, yet also brutish and dead: therefore we must learn both arts."
Silence
"The man of life upright has a guiltless heart, free from all dishonest deeds or thought of vanity."
Life
"Egotism is the source and summary of all faults and miseries."
Ego
"The real use of gunpowder is to make all men tall."
Man
"It is the heart always that sees, before the head can see."
Heart
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