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"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke," Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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"Men are often capable of greater things than they perform - They are sent into the world with bills of credit, and seldom draw to their full extent."
Man
"Alexander at the head of the world never tasted the true pleasure that boys of his own age have enjoyed at the head of a school."
Age
"Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth."
People
"I avoid talking before the youth of the age as I would dancing before them: for if one's tongue don't move in the steps of the day, and thinks to please by its old graces, it is only an object of ridicule."
Age
"This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel."
Comedy
"By deafness one gains in one respect more than one loses; one misses more nonsense than sense."
Wisdom
"The world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those who feel."
Comedy
"The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well."
Life
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."
Humor
"The wisest prophets make sure of the event first."
Wisdom
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