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John Ratzenberger

"A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally."

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"A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally."

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A.E. Samaan

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

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A.E. Samaan

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

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A.E. Samaan

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

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A.E. Samaan

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

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A.E. Samaan

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

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A.E. Samaan

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

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A.E. Samaan

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

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A.E. Samaan

"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

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A.E. Samaan

"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."

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A.E. Samaan

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

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John Ratzenberger
"But from what I can see all around me today, that America is fading fast, if it's not already gone."
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"I started improvising the Cliff character, based on someone I grew up with."
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"It appalls me that the people who decide what Americans will be watching on the tube have never been to the United States. Not the real United States."
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"I've turned down projects based on raunchiness before."
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John Ratzenberger
"From what I can see, too many kids don't learn pride in their country anymore."
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John Ratzenberger
"The last thing on my mind was to be an actor, but I had a crush on a cute girl in the drama department, so the best thing for me to do was audition, help out, do carpentry, whatever it took to get me on that project."
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John Ratzenberger
"Two days later I got a call that they wanted to try out the character for seven episodes. Eleven years and 22 Emmys later, Cliff was still sitting at that bar."
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John Ratzenberger
"I have been raising money for the past 14 years for diabetes research."
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John Ratzenberger
"I'd never been to acting school, so I never thought I'd get this far."
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John Ratzenberger
"In L.A., though, people get off busses calling themselves actors, so many are really not professionals."
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