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"A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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"I've turned down projects based on raunchiness before."
Project
"So many actors have sheer guts, will, and determination; they just need some preparation."
Determination
"You'll be tested every single day."
Day
"I'd never been to acting school, so I never thought I'd get this far."
Thought
"I come from Bridgeport, Connecticut and have friends I grew up with there."
Friendship
"To them, the real United States is just flyover country."
Country
"So many people aren't ready for Hollywood - professionally or practically."
People
"On my visits back home, if they saw that I was getting a big head, they'd let me know right away."
Home
"The last thing on my mind was to be an actor, but I had a crush on a cute girl in the drama department, so the best thing for me to do was audition, help out, do carpentry, whatever it took to get me on that project."
Actor
"There are times over different projects when I've asked the writers why people are swearing for no good reason. I tell them that it would be funnier if there weren't these swear words."
People
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