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"Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you."
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"Laughter can deflate almost any problem down to its proper size."
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Personal Development
"The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives."
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Personal Development
"The Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat:If you offer him pheasant he would rather have grouse.If you put him in a house he would much prefer a flat,If you put him in a flat then he'd rather have a house.If you set him on a mouse then he only wants a rat,If you set him on a rat then he'd rather chase a mouse.Yes the Rum Tum Tugger is a Curious Cat -And there isn't any call for me to shout it:For he will doAs he do doAnd there's no doing anything about it!"
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Personal Development
"When you're lost in space, it's time to buy some new furniture!"
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Personal Development
"If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd."
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Personal Development
"For a man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner."
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Personal Development
"It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad."
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Personal Development
"You won't enjoy it," sighed Crowley. "It's been in the car for more than a fortnight." A heavy bass beat began to thump through the Bentley as they sped past Heathrow. Aziraphale's brow furrowed. "I don't recognize this," he said. "What is it?" "It's Tchaikovsky's 'Another One Bites the Dust'," said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough. To while away the time as they crossed the sleeping Chilterns, they also listened to William Byrd's "We Are the Champions" and Beethoven's "I Want To Break Free." Neither were as good as Vaughan Williams's "Fat-Bottomed Girls."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"Texan starting eternity: I never dreamed heaven would be so much like Texas. companion: Who said this was heaven?"
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Personal Development
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"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
Wisdom
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."
Wisdom
"Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."
Leadership
"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine."
Intellectual
"Humility is no substitute for a good personality."
Humility
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
Humor
"To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
Attitude
"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."
Humor
"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."
Wisdom
"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."
Attitude
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