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"I didn't beat her. I just pushed her out of bed."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Explore more quotes by O. J. Simpson
"Oh my God, Nicole is killed? Oh my God, she is dead?"
God
"My NFL pension can barely pay my son's tuition. You know, it's very little money."
Money
"Money takes wings. The only thing that endures is character."
Money
"I'm enjoying the money, the big house, the cars; what ghetto kid wouldn't?"
Money
"I didn't beat her. I just pushed her out of bed."
Humor
"I don't know how often I can discuss one incident in my entire life, but I'll continue to do that."
Life
"The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that's the day you start to the top."
Responsibility
"I tend to watch a little TV... Court TV, once in a while. Some of the cases I get interested in."
Entertainment
"I could not tell you the date of my mother's death. I could not tell you the date of my dad's death. These are not dates that I find significant."
Family
"If there wasn't no fight, there wasn't no weekend."
Fight
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