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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"There's no magazine you open, unless its AARP, that shows a woman over the age of 45 in any other light, other than having to buy Depends or Viagra."
Age
"Humor is imperative, more important than food. You have a choice when someone dies. You can lie down or get back into life. Do something for someone else."
Humor
"When I was in kindergarten, I had one line in a little play. I said, I am Patrick Potato and this is my cousin, Mrs. Tomato, and I heard laughter. I wanted to be an actress from that moment on."
Laughter
"Love them for who they are, and what they are they are; they are not you. Good stuff, isn't it? You have to live 73 years to get that."
Love
"I'm learning something all the time. That's the way I want it to go, and that's the way I'll go until I am no longer on this planet."
Time
"You can't show me an ad on TV with hard bodies and say I have to buy that car. You have to tell me why that car is better and safer than another car."
Car
"I think women are taught to ask permission about everything. We don't realize that we are entitled and we do have a say in our lives."
Woman
"With my talent, I can make people laugh and give them another attitude about life. What a blessing that is for me."
Life
"When I go, if there's a tombstone it will say, She doesn't give in. She doesn't give up. And she never takes no for an answer."
Will
"If someone is mean, harmful, or evil, they're out of my life. I cross them out."
Life
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