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"Good taste and humor are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
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Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
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Personal Development
"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
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Personal Development
"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
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Personal Development
"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."
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Personal Development
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"It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh."
Life
"One of the many pleasures of old age is giving things up."
Age
"Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time."
Man
"The orgasm has replaced the cross as the focus of longing and fulfillment."
Focus
"The pursuit of happiness, which American citizens are obliged to undertake, tends to involve them in trying to perpetuate the moods, tastes and aptitudes of youth."
Happiness
"Surely the glory of journalism is its transience."
Glory
"Sex is the ersatz or substitute religion of the 20th Century."
Religion
"I can say that I never knew what joy was like until I gave up pursuing happiness, or cared to live until I chose to die. For these two discoveries I am beholden to Jesus."
Happiness
"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream."
Conformity
"How do I know pornography depraves and corrupts? It depraves and corrupts me."
Pornography
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