"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

Humor, Regret, Speech

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"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Regret

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Humor, Clocks, Future, Right

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Jealousy, Doubt, Friendship

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"What's the difference between rain and grain? Only a g, though they both grow in the land, and they don't land but fall. What a difference a g makes!"

Ana Claudia Antunes, Brazilian Singer

Humor, Language, Observation, Life

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

Explore more quotes by Laurence J. Peter

"An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it."

Intelligence

"Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence."

Work

"Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices."

Education

"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."

Art

"Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car."

Car

"America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there."

Direction

"Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent."

Opportunity

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"What's the difference between rain and grain? Only a g, though they both grow in the land, and they don't land but fall. What a difference a g makes!"

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Explore more quotes by Laurence J. Peter

"An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it."

"Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence."

"Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices."

"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."

"Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car."

"America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there."

"Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone."

"Everyone rises to their level of incompetence."

"Against logic there is no armor like ignorance."

"Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent."