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Laurence J. Peter

"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

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"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

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Amber Hurdle

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

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Amber Hurdle

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

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Amber Hurdle

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

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"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

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Amber Hurdle

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

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Amber Hurdle

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

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Amber Hurdle

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

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Amber Hurdle

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

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Amber Hurdle

"Vampires. Honestly, they're like children sometimes."

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Laurence J. Peter
"A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to."
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Laurence J. Peter
"There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us."
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Laurence J. Peter
"Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence."
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Laurence J. Peter
"A man convinced against his will is not convinced."
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Laurence J. Peter
"Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car."
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Laurence J. Peter
"Don't believe in miracles - depend on them."
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Laurence J. Peter
"Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder."
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Laurence J. Peter
"The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure."
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Laurence J. Peter
"When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout."
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Laurence J. Peter
"In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence."
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