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"Polite conversation is rarely either."
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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Explore more quotes by Fran Lebowitz
"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."
"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."
"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
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