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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
Author Name
Personal Development

"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing..."
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Personal Development
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"No mother would ever willingly sacrifice her sons for territorial gain, for economic advantage, for ideology."
Diplomacy

"Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours."
Business

"You know, if I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough, I would be convinced we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed."
Politics

"If the Soviet Union let another political party come into existence, they would still be a one-party state, because everybody would join the other party."
Politics

"Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong."
History

"You and I are told we must choose between a left or right, but I suggest there is no such thing as a left or right. There is only an up or down. Up to man's age-old dream -- the maximum of individual freedom consistent with order --or down to the ant heap of totalitarianism. Regardless of their sincerity, their humanitarian motives, those who would sacrifice freedom for security have embarked on this downward path."
Philosophy

"My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose - somehow we win out."
Success

"Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives."
Freedom

"The future doesn't belong to the light-hearted. It belongs to the brave."
Future

"Facts are stubborn things."
Truth
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