Quotes by Comedian | Beyond Motive 51/75

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Quotes by Comedian

"I walked in thinking, 'I have ten movies under my belt and now they want me to go back to making commercials?' I said, if I do that, I want it to be funny."

"I walked in thinking, 'I have ten movies under my belt and now they want me to go back to making commercials?' I said, if I do that, I want it to be funny."

Orlando Jones, American Comedian

Funny, Movies, Now, Thinking

31

"For a good chunk of Israelis, it doesn't matter who is in power when it comes to dealing with the Palestinians. Their focus was more on economic issues."

"For a good chunk of Israelis, it doesn't matter who is in power when it comes to dealing with the Palestinians. Their focus was more on economic issues."

Jonathan Katz, American Comedian

31

"I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started."

"I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started."

Todd Barry, American Comedian

31

"Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics."

"Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics."

Paul Lynde, American Comedian

Father, Dad, Politics, Funny, Grief

31

"I got a gymnastics scholarship to college, fell in love with my true love of my whole life - who I'm married to now - and he was a virgin too. It was very romantic."

"I got a gymnastics scholarship to college, fell in love with my true love of my whole life - who I'm married to now - and he was a virgin too. It was very romantic."

Victoria Jackson, American Comedian

Life, Love, College, Now

31

"I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper."

"I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper."

David Brenner, American Comedian

People, Golf, Television, Whisper

31

"I have to approach my life in this way so I can do what I need to do, and do it very well."

"I have to approach my life in this way so I can do what I need to do, and do it very well."

Debra Wilson, American Comedian

31

"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."

"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."

Robert Benchley, American Comedian

Humor, People, Will, Worry

31

"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

Emo Philips, American Comedian

31

"I never told a joke in my life."

"I never told a joke in my life."

Andy Kaufman, American Comedian

31

"College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil."

"College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil."

Ruby Wax, American Comedian

31

"I recently found out about this other super movie star. He only works from about 11:00 to 4:00, so all his movies take like 120 days. But this was a lot of stuff to do in 35 days."

"I recently found out about this other super movie star. He only works from about 11:00 to 4:00, so all his movies take like 120 days. But this was a lot of stuff to do in 35 days."

Dana Carvey, American Comedian

31

"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."

"I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap."

Fred Allen, American Comedian

31

"Television doesn't make stars. It's the written media, the press, that makes stars."

"Television doesn't make stars. It's the written media, the press, that makes stars."

Chevy Chase, American Comedian

Media, Press, Stars, Television

31

"If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it."

"If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it."

Bob Hope, American Comedian

31

"Man has gone long enough, or even too long, without being man enough to face the simple truth that the trouble with man is man."

"Man has gone long enough, or even too long, without being man enough to face the simple truth that the trouble with man is man."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Truth, Being, Man, Trouble

31

"I am not a great cook, I am not a great artist, but I love art, and I love food, so I am the perfect traveller."

"I am not a great cook, I am not a great artist, but I love art, and I love food, so I am the perfect traveller."

Michael Palin, British Comedian

Love, Art, Food, Artist

31

"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."

"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."

Fred Allen, American Comedian

31

"You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who's Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts."

"You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who's Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts."

Chevy Chase, American Comedian

Fact, Facts, May

31

"I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time."

"I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time."

Ben Stiller, American Comedian

Funny, Time, Dying, Public

31

"I was one of the first veejays to take the camera out on location, and that's what was unique about MTV at that time."

"I was one of the first veejays to take the camera out on location, and that's what was unique about MTV at that time."

Pauly Shore, American Comedian

31

"Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum."

"Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum."

P. J. O'Rourke, American Comedian

Pragmatism, Politics, Necessity, Frustration, Power

31

"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

Bill Maher, American Comedian

People, Bed, Now, Smoking

31

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."

P. J. O'Rourke, American Comedian

Readiness, Mortality, Reading, Legacy, Humor

31

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."

Bill Maher, American Comedian

Men, Women, Taste

31

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

Johnny Carson, American Comedian

31

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce "gubernatorial.""

"Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce "gubernatorial.""

Jimmy Fallon, American Comedian

Time, Decision, Actor, Needs

31

"I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially about listening. The way I approach comedy, is you have to commit to everything as if it's a dramatic role, meaning you play it straight."

"I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially about listening. The way I approach comedy, is you have to commit to everything as if it's a dramatic role, meaning you play it straight."

Will Ferrell, American Comedian

Comedy, Drama, Listening, Meaning

31

"One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again."

"One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again."

Jim Carrey, Canadian Comedian

Work, Power, Hope, Will

31

"I'll tell you the truth; I wanted to leave me for Sid Caesar."

"I'll tell you the truth; I wanted to leave me for Sid Caesar."

Red Buttons, American Comedian

31

"Nannies love working in our house because they never know who's gonna walk through the door."

"Nannies love working in our house because they never know who's gonna walk through the door."

Ruby Wax, American Comedian

31

"I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over."

"I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over."

Ben Stiller, American Comedian

31

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

Johnny Carson, American Comedian

31

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

31

"Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere."

"Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere."

Todd Barry, American Comedian

31

"We have four beautiful children and some wonderful memories."

"We have four beautiful children and some wonderful memories."

Damon Wayans, American Comedian

Children, Memories

31

"The thing about kids is that they express emotion. They don't hold back. If they want to cry, they cry, and if they are in a good mood, they're in a good mood."

"The thing about kids is that they express emotion. They don't hold back. If they want to cry, they cry, and if they are in a good mood, they're in a good mood."

Eddie Murphy, American Comedian

Emotional, Emotion, Kids, Want

31

"Over the years I attempted to make my style a bit more relaxed 'cause the initial style you couldn't watch for more than ten minutes without wanting to kill me."

"Over the years I attempted to make my style a bit more relaxed 'cause the initial style you couldn't watch for more than ten minutes without wanting to kill me."

Jo Brand, British Comedian

31

"Regis and I were inducted into the original Bronx Walk of Fame."

"Regis and I were inducted into the original Bronx Walk of Fame."

Robert Klein, American Comedian

31

"The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road."

"The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Knowledge, Animals, Economics, Instinct

31

"Money is sensual."

"Money is sensual."

Jerry Stiller, American Comedian

31

"How young can you die of old age?"

"How young can you die of old age?"

Steven Wright, American Comedian

31

"I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing."

"I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing."

Tina Fey, American Comedian

Being, Drama, Popular, School

31

"Few if any teenagers can relate to getting up for school and finding famous comics like Pryor and Williams hanging out in your living room after a hard night of partying. But that's Hollywood."

"Few if any teenagers can relate to getting up for school and finding famous comics like Pryor and Williams hanging out in your living room after a hard night of partying. But that's Hollywood."

Pauly Shore, American Comedian

Famous, Hollywood, Living, Night

31

"Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science."

"Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science."

Wanda Sykes, American Comedian

Science, Marketing

31

"That's the thing about jazz: it's free flowing, it comes from your soul."

"That's the thing about jazz: it's free flowing, it comes from your soul."

Billy Crystal, American Comedian

31

"I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians."

"I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians."

Todd Barry, American Comedian

People, Comedians, Want

31

"I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally."

"I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally."

Lucille Ball, American Comedian

Life, Failure, Divorce, Eyes

31

"He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be."

"He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be."

Colin Quinn, American Comedian

Funny, People, Act

31

"Nothing is going to stop Mike Tyson that doesn't have a motor attached."

"Nothing is going to stop Mike Tyson that doesn't have a motor attached."

David Brenner, American Comedian

31

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