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"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."
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"If you really think about it, when watching television, you have product placement all the time."

"Time is standing still. We are measuring ourselves by how far we are going."

"There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do."

"That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of the time."
Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner


"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."


"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."


"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."


"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."


"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."
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