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"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
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"Cursing is invoking the assistance of a spirit to help you inflict suffering. Swearing on the other hand, is invoking, only the witness of a spirit to an statement you wish to make."
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Personal Development

"You can't help those who don't know they need help."
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Personal Development

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."
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Personal Development

"Proverbs are all very fine when there's nothing to worry you, but when you're in real trouble, they're not a bit of help."
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Personal Development

"The denial of assistance is sometimes the greatest assistance. The trick is recognizing when this is the case."
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Personal Development

"No one can help us except our own thoughts."
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Personal Development

"When you desire to help, you will find a way to do it."
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Personal Development

"When it comes to poverty, there is no need to say anything. All we need to do is to help, the moment we encounter it."
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Personal Development

"I'm guess I'm up to about 70% of normal, which is a real relief. My doctor gave me clearance to go out in public again, so I've been able to go to the store and help out a little bit around the house."
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Personal Development

"With the best of intentions you toss me a lifeline. Failing to see how a piece of rope will do me any good, I ignore it and drown."
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"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
Car


"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
Home


"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Drink


"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."
Men


"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."
God


"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."
Horses


"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"
Time


"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."
Money


"This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest."
Woman


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Music
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