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Henny Youngman

"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

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"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

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Akiroq Brost

"Cursing is invoking the assistance of a spirit to help you inflict suffering. Swearing on the other hand, is invoking, only the witness of a spirit to an statement you wish to make."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"You can't help those who don't know they need help."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"Proverbs are all very fine when there's nothing to worry you, but when you're in real trouble, they're not a bit of help."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"The denial of assistance is sometimes the greatest assistance. The trick is recognizing when this is the case."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"No one can help us except our own thoughts."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"When you desire to help, you will find a way to do it."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"When it comes to poverty, there is no need to say anything. All we need to do is to help, the moment we encounter it."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"I'm guess I'm up to about 70% of normal, which is a real relief. My doctor gave me clearance to go out in public again, so I've been able to go to the store and help out a little bit around the house."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"With the best of intentions you toss me a lifeline. Failing to see how a piece of rope will do me any good, I ignore it and drown."

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Henny Youngman
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

Car

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Henny Youngman
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

Home

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Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Drink

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Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

Men

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Henny Youngman
"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."

God

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Henny Youngman
"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."

Horses

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Henny Youngman
"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

Time

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Henny Youngman
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."

Money

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Henny Youngman
"This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest."

Woman

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Henny Youngman
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Music

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