Humor Quotes | Beyond Motive 8/37

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Humor Quotes

"No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up!"

"No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up!"

Patrick Rothfuss, Australian Athlete

Humor, Accident, Forgiveness, Memory

4

"A sense of humour is a sense of proportion."

"A sense of humour is a sense of proportion."

Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese Philosopher

Humor, Sense, Balance, Wit

4

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

Rainbow Rowell, American Author

Humor, Danger, Trouble, Judgment

4

"Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk."

"Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Humor, Evidence, Logic, Truth

4

"I love poking fun at myself. I have a rather mean sense of humor."

"I love poking fun at myself. I have a rather mean sense of humor."

Alton Brown, American Entertainer

Humor, Love, Fun, Sense

4

"In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately."

"In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately."

Allen Klein, American Businessman

Humor, Time, May, Mind

4

"He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap."Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security....Turn around, please.""What?""Turn around, Claire. It's a secure password!""You have GOT to be kidding.""Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn."

"He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap."Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security....Turn around, please.""What?""Turn around, Claire. It's a secure password!""You have GOT to be kidding.""Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Security, Trust, Technology

4

"I like a man who can be a real friend, has a good sense of humor, a good pair of shoes and a healthy gold card."

"I like a man who can be a real friend, has a good sense of humor, a good pair of shoes and a healthy gold card."

Victoria Beckham, English Musician

Humor, Friend, Gold, Man

4

"One can have a wit, but not a witless."

"One can have a wit, but not a witless."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Wit, Intellect, Personality

4

"Wayne: You wanna know why I really came to find you?Waxilliam: Why?Wayne: I thought of you happy in a comfy bed, resting and relaxing, spending the rest of your life sipping tea and reading papers while people bring you food and maids rub your toes and stuff.Waxilliam: And?Wayne: And I just couldn't leave you to a fate like that...I'm too good a friend to let a mate of mine die in such a terrible situation.Waxilliam: Comfortable?Wayne: No. Boring."

"Wayne: You wanna know why I really came to find you?Waxilliam: Why?Wayne: I thought of you happy in a comfy bed, resting and relaxing, spending the rest of your life sipping tea and reading papers while people bring you food and maids rub your toes and stuff.Waxilliam: And?Wayne: And I just couldn't leave you to a fate like that...I'm too good a friend to let a mate of mine die in such a terrible situation.Waxilliam: Comfortable?Wayne: No. Boring."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Friendship, Life, Help, Choice

4

"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."

"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."

Stephen Leacock, Canadian Economist

Humor, Life, Day

4

"Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven."

"Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Cats, Ego, Animals

4

"Martin, at my age, eroticism is reduced to enjoying caramel custard and looking at widows' necks."

"Martin, at my age, eroticism is reduced to enjoying caramel custard and looking at widows' necks."

Carlos Ruiz Zafon, Spanish Novelist

Humor, Observation, Experience, Aging

4

"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."

"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."

Haruki Murakami, Japanese Writer

Humor, Capitalism, Animals, Question, Curiosity

4

"Hand-to-hand combat with three hundred pounds of screaming monkey menace is not my idea of a fair fight. My idea of a fair fight is one unarmed, toothless, nearsighted old monkey versus me with a Blackhawk attack helicopter."

"Hand-to-hand combat with three hundred pounds of screaming monkey menace is not my idea of a fair fight. My idea of a fair fight is one unarmed, toothless, nearsighted old monkey versus me with a Blackhawk attack helicopter."

Dean Koontz, American Author

Humor, Combat, Fairness, Strength

4

"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."

"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Metaphor, Sensation, Description

4

"I enjoy slaughtering beasts, and I think of my relatives constantly."

"I enjoy slaughtering beasts, and I think of my relatives constantly."

Roger Zelazny, American Writer

Humor, Relatives

4

"So, Marasi said, "you traded a dead man's scarf for another dead man's gun. But the gun itself belonged to someone dead, so by the same logic-"Don't try, Waxillium said. "Logic doesn't work on Wayne."I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller, Wayne explained. "It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle."

"So, Marasi said, "you traded a dead man's scarf for another dead man's gun. But the gun itself belonged to someone dead, so by the same logic-"Don't try, Waxillium said. "Logic doesn't work on Wayne."I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller, Wayne explained. "It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Logic, Magic, Fate

4

"Adam, on the other end of the boat, looked extremely unimpressed with Ronan's lack of heat tolerance. "I didn't say anything. "Whatever, man, Ronan replied. "I know that face. You were born in hell, you're used to it."

"Adam, on the other end of the boat, looked extremely unimpressed with Ronan's lack of heat tolerance. "I didn't say anything. "Whatever, man, Ronan replied. "I know that face. You were born in hell, you're used to it."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Tolerance, Friendship, Boats

4

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Social, Hair, Identity

4

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

4

"Bitch you."

"Bitch you."

Colleen Hoover, American Celebrity

Humor, Insult, Expression, Personality

4

"Ronan," Noah said, "I have a super bad feeling.""It's called being dead," Ronan replied."

"Ronan," Noah said, "I have a super bad feeling.""It's called being dead," Ronan replied."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Death, Afterlife, Friendship

4

"The president of General Motors was in a foul humor."

"The president of General Motors was in a foul humor."

Arthur Hailey, Canadian Novelist

Humor, President

4

"Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it."

"Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it."

Elbert Hubbard, American Writer

4

"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."

"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."

Whitney M. Young, American Activist

4

"Don't take life too seriously. Punch it in the face when it needs a good hit. Laugh at it."

"Don't take life too seriously. Punch it in the face when it needs a good hit. Laugh at it."

Colleen Hoover, American Celebrity

Humor, Life, Attitude, Resilience

4

"Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can't get you a new sweater?Jamie: Because, he's too busy looking for your brain."

"Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can't get you a new sweater?Jamie: Because, he's too busy looking for your brain."

Nicholas Sparks, American Author

Humor, Faith, God, Intellect

4

"The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood."

"The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood."

Lou Holtz, American Coach

Humor, People, Sense

4

"So the gods, Moash said, nursing his own drink, "were pleased that you solved problems on your own . . . by going to other gods and begging them for help instead?"Hush, Rock said. "Is good story."

"So the gods, Moash said, nursing his own drink, "were pleased that you solved problems on your own . . . by going to other gods and begging them for help instead?"Hush, Rock said. "Is good story."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Help, Story, Religion

4

"If a woman's vagina was hell fire, then alot of sex maniacs would prefer to spend their eternity in hell."

"If a woman's vagina was hell fire, then alot of sex maniacs would prefer to spend their eternity in hell."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Sexuality, Metaphor, Desire

4

"In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge."

"In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge."

George Herbert, British Poet

Humor, Knowledge, Conversation, Wit

3

"I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor."

"I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor."

Jonny Lee Miller, British Actor

Humor, America, England, Sense

3

"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."

"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."

Leo Rosten, American Novelist

Humor, Communication

3

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

Tom Berenger, American Actor

Humor, Day, Pressure, Sense

3

"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."

"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."

Fred Allen, American Comedian

3

"I am neither a homosexual nor a eunuch, nor have I ever taken any vows of chastity."

"I am neither a homosexual nor a eunuch, nor have I ever taken any vows of chastity."

Paul Getty, American Businessman

Humor, Chastity

3

"I think most musicians do like to have a laugh."

"I think most musicians do like to have a laugh."

Neil Innes, British Writer

Humor, Musicians

3

"The burden of the self is lightened with I laugh at myself."

"The burden of the self is lightened with I laugh at myself."

Rabindranath Tagore, Indian Poet

Humor, Burden, Self

3

"Sis I've been wondering . . . On my birthday mom always gives me five thousand dollars. How much does she give you?"

"Sis I've been wondering . . . On my birthday mom always gives me five thousand dollars. How much does she give you?"

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Birthday, Money, Family, Gift

3

"April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously."

"April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Regret, Life

3

"A better ending could not have been scripted. Of course, if we had won, that would have been better."

"A better ending could not have been scripted. Of course, if we had won, that would have been better."

Bobby Bowden, American Coach

3

"It never seems to occur to some people, that, like beauty, a sense of humor may sometimes be fatal."

"It never seems to occur to some people, that, like beauty, a sense of humor may sometimes be fatal."

Edgar Rice Burroughs, American Writer

Humor, Beauty, People, May

3

"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."

Laurence J. Peter, Canadian Writer

Humor, Regret, Speech

3

"If I didn't try to eavesdrop on every bus ride I take or look for the humor when I go for a walk, I would just be depressed all the time."

"If I didn't try to eavesdrop on every bus ride I take or look for the humor when I go for a walk, I would just be depressed all the time."

Lynda Barry, American Cartoonist

3

"The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck."

"The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck."

Walter Cronkite, American Journalist

3

"Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant."

"Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant."

Washington Irving, American Writer

Humor, Companionship, Jokes, Laughter

3

"Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud."

"Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud."

Jesse Ventura, American Politician

3

"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."

"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, Life, Sleep

3

"I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes."

"I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes."

Sherilyn Fenn, American Actress

Humor, Circumstance, Jokes, Network

3

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