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Humor Quotes
"NO PDA,school rules. And besides she's my partner dickhead.' said Alex."
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"Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF."
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"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it."
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"You're in a rather odd mood today."I'm soaking wet, Eloise."No need to snap at me about it, I didn't force you to walk across town in the rain."It wasn't raining when I left,". There was something about a sibling that brought out the eight-year-old in a body.I'm sure the sky was gray," Clearly, she had a bit of the eight-year-old in her as well."
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"Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years."
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"Sarcasm will make your tits fall off."
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"I'm never any good in the morning. It is only after four in the afternoon that I get going."
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"Kemp: I demonstrated conclusively this morning that invisibility--I.M: Never mind what YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED!--I'm starving, said the voice, and the night is--chilly for a man without clothes."
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"Leave your incidental Dick."
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"If you're going to America, bring your own food."
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"In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately."
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"Moths," repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?" "Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head."Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls.""Oh, Shut up."
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"It's colder than a witch's tit in a steel bra."
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"If you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I'd like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun-I'm afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened."
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"This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs."
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"Sure! Why should any experts be the arbiters... That's like telling someone they can't be a vegetarian."
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"I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together."
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"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."
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"While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory."
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"Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you."
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"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."
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"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats."
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"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
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"Since when has the world of computer software design been about what people want? This is a simple question of evolution. The day is quickly coming when every knee will bow down to a silicon fist, and you will all beg your binary gods for mercy."
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"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
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"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."
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"People skills are useless with cats, because cats are immune to training, and do whatever they decide in any situation... And most importantly they aren't human."
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"I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times."
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"Why don't you get a haircut you look like a chrysanthemum."
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"Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?"
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"Claire found herself staring at his feet, which were in bunny slippers. Myrnin looked down. "What?" he asked. "They're quite comfortable." He lifted on to look at it, and the ears wobbled in the air. "Of course they are," she said. Just when she thought Myrnin was getting his mental act together, he'd do something like that. Or maybe he was just messing with her. He liked to do that, and his dark eyes were fixed on her now, assessing just how weirded-out she was. Which, on the grade scale of zero to Myrnin, wasn't much."
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"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."
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"Your mum pounced on her and started sucking away. Would've been arousing if not for all the screaming.'Ian, Bones drew out warningly.He grinned. 'You're right. I was aroused anyway."
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