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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"You have to remember that when you are a performer you become a celebrity, but you are not saving lives. It's not that important."
Celebrity
"I've been that celebrity on the red carpet, and I appreciate that something hasn't got to just look good from the front, from the back, it's got to look good at all angles."
Celebrity
"I'm not materialistic. I believe in presents from the heart, like a drawing that a child does."
Heart
"My dresses are for women of all different shapes and sizes. Actually, the one I tried on yesterday was the one Jennifer wore. And who'd have thought I'd be the same size as Jennifer Lopez!"
Woman
"I want a big house with a moat and dragons and a fort to keep people out."
People
"What's David's role? David looks good, that's what David does. David looks good, and I'm the funny one, that's what I hear constantly. But I keep telling him that looks fade."
Funny
"I don't know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football."
Goal
"I like a man who can be a real friend, has a good sense of humor, a good pair of shoes and a healthy gold card."
Humor
"There are rumors that we want to move back to the U.K., but we're so happy in America I actually can't see us ever leaving... People ask me how long it took to adapt. Twenty minutes."
People
"These people are amazing. It's so emotional I was thinking about wearing waterproof mascara."
People
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