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"Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant."
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"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."

"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
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"Those men are most apt to be obsequious and conciliating abroad, who are under the discipline of shrews at home."


"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles."


"The natural principle of war is to do the most harm to our enemy with the least harm to ourselves; and this of course is to be effected by stratagem."


"Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart."


"Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart."


"There is certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse! As I have often found in traveling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one's position, and be bruised in a new place."


"There is a healthful hardiness about real dignity that never dreads contact and communion with others however humble."


"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."
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