"I enjoy slaughtering beasts, and I think of my relatives constantly."

"When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all."

"I try to sit down at the typewriter four times a day, even if it's only five minutes, and write three sentences."

"While I had often said that I wanted to die in bed, what I really meant was that in my old age I wanted to be stepped on by an elephant while making love."

"It is a pain in the ass waiting around for someone to try to kill you."