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"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
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"The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed."
Men
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
Life
"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement."
Mind
"Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great."
Actor
"I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement."
Play
"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."
College
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
Man
"I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin."
Want
"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."
Humor
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
Tax
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