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"If I didn't try to eavesdrop on every bus ride I take or look for the humor when I go for a walk, I would just be depressed all the time."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."
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Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
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Personal Development
"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."
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Personal Development
"Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like ared flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front ofsomeone who was annoyed by it."
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Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
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Personal Development
"Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
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Personal Development
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
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Personal Development
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"I was unable to sleep and I would stay up and draw these little cartoons. Then a friend showed them around. Before I knew it I was a cartoonist."
Friendship
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
Love
"People think that whatever I put into strips has happened to me in my life."
Life
"If I didn't try to eavesdrop on every bus ride I take or look for the humor when I go for a walk, I would just be depressed all the time."
Humor
"In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke."
Life
"I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking."
Funny
"There was a beautiful time in the beginning when I just did it and didn't analyze the consequences, but I think that time ends in everyone's work."
Time
"I do dumb stuff, like playing my favorite dumb Barry White song and lip-synching into the mirror so it looks like his voice is coming out of my mouth."
Dumb
"I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up."
Funny
"Race and class are the easiest divisions. It's very stupid."
Class
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