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"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."
"Lovemaking is a big grammatical error, i think it should be, LustMaking."
"If there was an elephant in the supermarket, she'd either not see it at all, or call it Mrs Jones and talk about fishcakes."
"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."
Explore more quotes by Fran Lebowitz
"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."
"In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy."
"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."
"If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words."
"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."
"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."
"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."
"To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
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