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Mark Twain

"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

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"When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn."

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Amber Hurdle

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

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Amber Hurdle

"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him."

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Amber Hurdle

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

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Amber Hurdle

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

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Amber Hurdle

"The fun we'll have tonight is called figging."

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Amber Hurdle

"Wit is the only wall between us and the dark."

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Amber Hurdle

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

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Amber Hurdle

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

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Amber Hurdle

"I just meant maybe you could set here and drink one of em with me.He squinted at her. You ever notice how women have trouble takin no for a answer? I think itstarts about age three.What about men?They get used to it. They better."

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Mark Twain
"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little."
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Mark Twain
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
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Mark Twain
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
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Mark Twain
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
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Mark Twain
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
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Mark Twain
"There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency and a virtue and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency and a vice."
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Mark Twain
"An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere."
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Mark Twain
"He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it, namely, that, in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain."
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Mark Twain
"The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be?--it is the same the angels breathe."
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Mark Twain
"Life itself is only a vision, a dream.""Nothing exists; all is a dream. God--man--the world--the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars--a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space--and you!"
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