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Humor Quotes

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"Maybe there's a chance to get back to grown-up films. Anything that uses humor and dramatic values to deal with human emotions and gets down to what people are to people."
Robert Altman
"Maybe there's a chance to get back to grown-up films. Anything that uses humor and dramatic values to deal with human emotions and gets down to what people are to people."
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"Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was."Is there any tea on this spaceship?" he asked."
Douglas Adams
"Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was."Is there any tea on this spaceship?" he asked."
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"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."
Elsa Maxwell
"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."
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"A bred-in-the-bone Boston lady when asked why she never travelled said 'Why should I? I'm already there'."
Anonymous
"A bred-in-the-bone Boston lady when asked why she never travelled said 'Why should I? I'm already there'."
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"Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion."
Thomas Browne
"Men live by intervals of reason under the sovereignty of humor and passion."
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"Philip Larkin has a tough honesty and sense of humor that I find irresistible, as a contemporary poet."
Robert Morgan
"Philip Larkin has a tough honesty and sense of humor that I find irresistible, as a contemporary poet."
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"A sportsman is a man who every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something."
Stephen Leacock
"A sportsman is a man who every now and then, simply has to get out and kill something."
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"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."
Lemony Snicket
"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."
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"Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs."
Christopher Morley
"Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs."
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"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
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"Never try to outstubborn a cat."
Robert A. Heinlein
"Never try to outstubborn a cat."
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"Don't do anything stupid.""Don't worry," I whispered over the line, "I'm an expert on stupid.""You're...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they've been? I'm like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said."
Brandon Sanderson
"Don't do anything stupid.""Don't worry," I whispered over the line, "I'm an expert on stupid.""You're...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they've been? I'm like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said."
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"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."
Brandon Sanderson
"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."
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"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me."
Robert Frost
"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me."
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"Sure! Why should any experts be the arbiters... That's like telling someone they can't be a vegetarian."
Virginia Johnson
"Sure! Why should any experts be the arbiters... That's like telling someone they can't be a vegetarian."
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"There are psychological repercussions to illness and we need a little more help to get through the effects not only on the afflicted but on the family. And I think there's even a place for humor in that."
Alan Thicke
"There are psychological repercussions to illness and we need a little more help to get through the effects not only on the afflicted but on the family. And I think there's even a place for humor in that."
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"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
Mark Twain
"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated."
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"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."
Evelyn Waugh
"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."
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"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."
William Temple
"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."
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"Puns are a form of humor with words."
Guillermo Cabrera Infante
"Puns are a form of humor with words."
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"Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product."
Allen Klein
"Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product."
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"Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know."
Milos Forman
"Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know."
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"The guys in my band are great-we watch movies, we eat pizza, take walks, read books. Everybody has a really great sense of humor. And my boyfriend comes and visits me on the road."
Lisa Loeb
"The guys in my band are great-we watch movies, we eat pizza, take walks, read books. Everybody has a really great sense of humor. And my boyfriend comes and visits me on the road."
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"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."
Amber Tamblyn
"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."
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"I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse."
Ronald Reagan
"I've often said there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse."
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"Heaven have mercy on us all - Presbyterians and Pagans alike - for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending."
Herman Melville
"Heaven have mercy on us all - Presbyterians and Pagans alike - for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending."
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"I know supposedly God has anger, vengeance, and wrath, and if he doesn't have a sense of humor I'm in big trouble!"
Stanley Victor Paskavich
"I know supposedly God has anger, vengeance, and wrath, and if he doesn't have a sense of humor I'm in big trouble!"
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"You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't."
Fakeer Ishavardas
"You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't."
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"Most creatures run when they sense danger. People grab a six-pack and a folding chair."
Nenia Campbell
"Most creatures run when they sense danger. People grab a six-pack and a folding chair."
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"My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places."
A. A. Milne
"My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places."
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"Flirting is a woman's trade, one must keep in practice."
Charlotte Bronte
"Flirting is a woman's trade, one must keep in practice."
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"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."
Robert Frost
"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."
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"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
Baltasar Gracian
"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
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"A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away."
Richelle Mead
"A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away."
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"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."
Haruki Murakami
"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."
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"American professional athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity."
Gordie Howe
"American professional athletes are bilingual; they speak English and profanity."
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"So, Marasi said, "you traded a dead man's scarf for another dead man's gun. But the gun itself belonged to someone dead, so by the same logic-"Don't try, Waxillium said. "Logic doesn't work on Wayne."I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller, Wayne explained. "It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle."
Brandon Sanderson
"So, Marasi said, "you traded a dead man's scarf for another dead man's gun. But the gun itself belonged to someone dead, so by the same logic-"Don't try, Waxillium said. "Logic doesn't work on Wayne."I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller, Wayne explained. "It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle."
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"In those days he was wiser than he is now; he used to frequently take my advice."
Winston Churchill
"In those days he was wiser than he is now; he used to frequently take my advice."
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"Nico: With great power, comes the great need to take a nap."
Rick Riordan
"Nico: With great power, comes the great need to take a nap."
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"A true intellectual is a man who, after reading a book and being convinced by its arguments, will shoot someone or, more likely, order someone shot."
John McCarthy
"A true intellectual is a man who, after reading a book and being convinced by its arguments, will shoot someone or, more likely, order someone shot."
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"The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far."
Nancy Cartwright
"The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far."
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"Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it."
Mark Russell
"Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it."
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"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."
Jesse Jackson
"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."
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"Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society."
William Makepeace Thackeray
"Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society."
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"Mess is fairly good. It is like what is found in American hotels except for cake and pie."
Knute Nelson
"Mess is fairly good. It is like what is found in American hotels except for cake and pie."
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"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself."
Clifton Fadiman
"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself."
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"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
Liza Minnelli
"You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor."
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"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats."
Pablo Picasso
"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats."
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"Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot."
Robert Frost
"Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot."
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"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."
Simon Pegg
"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."
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