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Humor Quotes
"While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory."
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"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
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"He who sells what isn't his'n, Must buy it back or go to prison."
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"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."
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"When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did."
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"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats."
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"Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more than generate irony."
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"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
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"I've got a new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish."
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"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
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"A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling."
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"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
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"It's an odd thing, but anyone who disappears is said to be seen in San Francisco.It must be a delightful city and possess all the attractions of the next world."
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"I never knew, apes talk. Apparently, you do."
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"I know supposedly God has anger, vengeance, and wrath, and if he doesn't have a sense of humor I'm in big trouble!"
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"Oh... Adrian, I've got one more favor to ask you. A big one." "Fondue?" he asked hopefully."
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"If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything."
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"Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says."
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"Don't do anything stupid.""Don't worry," I whispered over the line, "I'm an expert on stupid.""You're...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they've been? I'm like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said."
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"If you're going to America, bring your own food."
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"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
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"I have my welcome mat turned around backwards so when people leave they think they're going to a better place."
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"Moths," repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?" "Not just a cloud of moths," she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..." She shudders and shakes her head."Terrifying," Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls.""Oh, Shut up."
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"It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, because you brush harder and do a better job."
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"No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon."
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"George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie."
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"If I used a higher percentage of my brain I wouldn't of had to ride on the short bus."
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"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
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"I had about as much chance to do that as I did of backpacking my car to the top of Mount Rushmore."
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"Canada is the only country founded on the relentless pursuit of the rodent."
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"A true intellectual is a man who, after reading a book and being convinced by its arguments, will shoot someone or, more likely, order someone shot."
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"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"
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"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."
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"I'm not for gratuitous nudity, but if there's humor, I don't have a problem."
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"Mr Gray didn't care much for Jonesy's body (or so he told himself; in truth it was hard not to feel at least some affection for something capable of providing such unexpected pleasures as 'bacon' and 'murder'), but it did have to take him another couple of hundred miles."
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"Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humor."
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