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Humor Quotes
"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."
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"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."
12
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
12
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
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"I can't count the men who have tried to seduce me away from my virtue by teaching me how to defend it."
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"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."
12
"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."
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"If a woman's vagina was hell fire, then alot of sex maniacs would prefer to spend their eternity in hell."
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"While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory."
11
"Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial."
11
"Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon."
11
"Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting."
11
"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats."
11
"I've got a new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish."
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"He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
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"Humor expands our limited picture frame and gets us to see more than just our problem."
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"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."
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"Plagiarists, at least, have the merit of preservation."
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"The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature."
11
"Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says."
11
"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."
11
"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
11
"If you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I'd like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun-I'm afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened."
11
"The buzzing was like the eager purr of a muscle car that had just been started, but left in neutral. That was another of Cody's metaphors for it; I'd said the sensation felt like an unbalanced washing machine filled with a hundred epileptic chimpanzees. Pretty proud of that one."
11
"The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."
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"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
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"A true intellectual is a man who, after reading a book and being convinced by its arguments, will shoot someone or, more likely, order someone shot."
10
"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."
10
"It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can see it intellectually, as well as emotionally, and I don't know whether you've noticed, but if somebody tells a joke, it's nearly always a mini fantasy."
10
"The polls indicated that I was feisty, that I was tough, that I had a sense of humor, but they weren't quite sure if they liked me and they didn't know whether or not that I was sensitive."
10
"There is also this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humor him by all means, draw it all out, and hold him to it."
10
"When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did."
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