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Humor Quotes
"Prior to Wordsworth, humor was an essential part of poetry. I mean, they don't call them Shakespeare comedies for nothing."
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"The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married."
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"I'm going to have to give him shit for all this,' Shane said, as he wandered around. 'He lives alone and makes his bed? Who does that?''People who like things neat?''Its not natural."
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"When stupidity knocks at the door, it is stupidity that opens it."
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"The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick."
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"So, Marasi said, "you traded a dead man's scarf for another dead man's gun. But the gun itself belonged to someone dead, so by the same logic-"Don't try, Waxillium said. "Logic doesn't work on Wayne."I bought a ward against it off a traveling fortune-teller, Wayne explained. "It lets me add two 'n' two and get a pickle."
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"Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product."
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"There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."
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"The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies."
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"Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will."
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"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."
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"Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies."
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"One can have a wit, but not a witless."
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"Are there any capitalist cats?" Nakata asked."
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"Politicians like the effect of alcohol because it makes them feel important."
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"Lady Constance's lips tightened, and a moment passed during which it seemed always a fifty-fifty chance that a handsome silver ink-pot would fly through the air in the direction of her brother's head."
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"Plagiarists, at least, have the merit of preservation."
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"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
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"George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie."
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"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."
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"Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it."
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"Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. 'Will you swear?'And Myrnin said, shockingly, 'I will.' And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, '-frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs!' and did another twirl and bow. He looked up with a red, red grin that was more like a leer. 'Is that what you meant, my lord?"
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