top of page
.png){kind=small}
Humor Quotes
"Lady Constance's lips tightened, and a moment passed during which it seemed always a fifty-fifty chance that a handsome silver ink-pot would fly through the air in the direction of her brother's head."
43
"Bite me, Goth princess, Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything."Maybe you should say that to Michael."Not funny, Eve, Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit, she said."
42
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
42
"Prior to Wordsworth, humor was an essential part of poetry. I mean, they don't call them Shakespeare comedies for nothing."
41
"Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know."
41
"When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did."
41
"It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required."
41
"I've had two proposals since I've been a widow. I am a wonderful catch, you know. I have a lot of money."
41
"There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you."
41
"Plagiarists, at least, have the merit of preservation."
41
"Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.""The better to style with, my dear."
41
"There is nothing harder to explain than humor."
41
"Having solved all the major mathematical, physical, chemical, biological, sociological, philosophical, etymological, meteorological and psychological problems of the Universe except for his own, three times over, [Marvin] was severely stuck for something to do, and had taken up composing short dolorous ditties of no tone, or indeed tune. The latest one was a lullaby."
41
"Oh hell no. Guys don't talk about that crap."You're serious."Really."What do you talk about?Shane looked at her as if she were insane. "You know. Stuff. We're not girls. We don't talk about our feelings. I mean, not to other guys.Claire rolled her eyes and said, "Fine, be emotionally stunted losers; I don't care."
41
"The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies."
40
"I discovered there was an endless source of robust enjoyment in trifling with psychiatrists."
40
"There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will."
40
"Through the metal grating on my carrier door, Adrian's face suddenly appeared, peering in at me. "What new, pussycat?"
40
"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
40
"If a woman's vagina was hell fire, then alot of sex maniacs would prefer to spend their eternity in hell."
40
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
39
"A politician is a statesman who approaches every question with an open mouth."
39
"You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other."
39
"The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job."
39
"Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary."
39
bottom of page