top of page
.png){kind=small}
Humor Quotes
"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."
28
"My greatest thrill was the day Mad magazine spoofed 'Ghost.'"
28
"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
28
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
28
"Don't do anything stupid.""Don't worry," I whispered over the line, "I'm an expert on stupid.""You're...""Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they've been? I'm like that. A stupidinator.""Never say that word again," Prof said."
28
"A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman."
28
"The most interesting thing about a postage stamp is the persistence with which it sticks to its job."
27
"Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know."
27
"If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!"
27
"Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. 'Will you swear?'And Myrnin said, shockingly, 'I will.' And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, '-frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs!' and did another twirl and bow. He looked up with a red, red grin that was more like a leer. 'Is that what you meant, my lord?"
27
"I hate to be what is called a clever girl-there are too many of that sort now!"
27
"Plagiarists, at least, have the merit of preservation."
27
"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."
27
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing."
27
"Better mad with the rest of the world than wise alone."
27
"One can have a wit, but not a witless."
27
"If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well."
26
"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."
26
"Prior to Wordsworth, humor was an essential part of poetry. I mean, they don't call them Shakespeare comedies for nothing."
26
"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats."
26
"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."
26
"Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will."
26
"Man, Grandma, what big hair you have.""The better to style with, my dear."
26
"The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature."
26
"I discovered there was an endless source of robust enjoyment in trifling with psychiatrists."
26
"Through the metal grating on my carrier door, Adrian's face suddenly appeared, peering in at me. "What new, pussycat?"
26
"A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself."
26
"Humor is a means of obtaining pleasure in spite of the distressing effects that interface with it."
26
bottom of page